Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether a person is a true friend or is using the relationship for their own goals. Here are ten signs that can signal you’re dealing with a fake friend—plus calm, conflict-free responses.
What a “fake friend” means
A fake friend behaves as if they care, but their actions consistently undermine your trust, time, or dignity. One sign is not enough by itself; look for patterns over time.
Ten warning signs (and how to respond)
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Dishonesty and half-truthsThey say nice things that aren’t sincere or omit key facts.Calm response: “I need honesty in my friendships. If that’s not possible, I’ll step back.”
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Self-centerednessThe focus is always on their needs; little curiosity about you.Calm response: “I can’t be the only one giving support. I need more balance here.”
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Lack of supportThey disappear when things get hard or important.Calm response: “I needed support there. If that’s not something you can offer, I’ll rely elsewhere.”
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EnvyThey downplay your wins or try to take credit.Calm response: “I’d like my achievements to be respected. If that’s a problem, I’ll keep some distance.”
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ManipulationYou feel pushed, guilted, or steered for their benefit.Calm response: “I don’t make decisions under pressure. I’ll decide later.”
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Gossip and back-talkThey share others’ secrets—and likely yours.Calm response: “I don’t participate in gossip. Please don’t share private info about me or others.”
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You can’t trust themYou hesitate to share anything sensitive.Calm response: “I’m keeping personal matters private. Thanks for understanding.”
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Inconsistent closenessWarm one day, ignoring you the next.Calm response: “I prefer steady, respectful contact. If that’s not the case, I’ll adjust my availability.”
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Using the friendshipThey seek favors or access, ignoring your needs.Calm response: “That doesn’t work for me. I need reciprocity.”
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No shared values or interestsThere’s no real common ground.Calm response: “We seem to want different things. I’ll invest my energy elsewhere.”
Final note
Pay attention to patterns. Use short, clear statements and protect your boundaries without drama. Real friends respect your “no.”
Prepared for you by Nick Voss.
If this article helped, go deeper with Defending Against Manipulation — concise scripts and real-life responses, available as Kindle eBook, paperback, and hardcover.
Available in Kindle eBook, Paperback, and Hardcover
Defending Against Manipulation: Calm Boundaries Without Conflict
Expanded Second Edition. 10 pocket tools, a 60-second pause, If/Then maps, de-escalation templates, and a 7-day micro-practice — calm, conflict-free results.
