First, normalize what you feel
Unwanted emotions are a normal part of the human mind. They help us signal needs, set limits, and adapt. The goal is not to fight them or push them away at all costs. Instead, we learn to notice, name, and let them move through in a safe and conscious way.
Six practical techniques
1) Notice and accept
Pause and label the emotion: “This is anger in my chest,” or “I notice sadness behind my eyes.” Acceptance does not mean approval; it means you stop wasting energy on internal battles and can respond wisely.
2) Identify triggers and needs
Ask: “What just happened?” “What need is not being met—respect, rest, clarity, fairness?” Understanding the cause guides your next step—problem-solving, a boundary, or simply self-soothing.
3) Express emotions safely
Choose constructive channels that are safe for you and others: writing a few uncensored pages, talking to a trusted person, mindful movement, or a “feel-and-release” breath. Anger is not a reason to attack someone; expression aims to discharge energy, not to cause harm.
4) Short relaxation routine
Schedule brief relaxation breaks. Options include autogenic training or self-hypnosis (gentle self-suggestions in a relaxed state). A simple version:
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Sit comfortably, slow the breath (longer exhale).
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Scan the body from head to toes; soften the areas that feel tight.
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Repeat a neutral phrase: “My body is calm and safe. I can choose my next step.”
5) Reframe unhelpful thoughts
Unwanted emotions often ride on rigid thoughts (e.g., “It must be perfect,” “They always disrespect me.”). Try:
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Perspective shift: “What would I tell a friend?”
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Flexible language: replace always/never with sometimes/often.
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Affirmations that fit reality: “I can make a small improvement today.”This is cognitive reframing—swapping unhelpful patterns for more accurate, supportive ones.
6) Set and keep boundaries
When emotions come from difficult interactions, boundaries protect your time and energy. Practice short scripts:
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“I’m not available for this today. Let’s revisit tomorrow.”
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“I won’t continue this conversation while voices are raised.”
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“No, that doesn’t work for me.”
A 5-minute mini practice
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Name the top emotion (30s).
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Locate it in the body and breathe into that area (60s).
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Note the trigger/need in one sentence (60s).
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Choose an action: express, relax, reframe, or set a boundary (90s).
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Close with a kind phrase to yourself (30s): “I did my best with what I had.”
When to seek extra support
Closing note
Unwanted emotions are part of being human. With awareness, expression, relaxation, cognitive flexibility, and boundaries, you can reduce their intensity and respond in ways that protect your well-being.
Prepared for you by Nick Voss.
If this article helped, go deeper with Defending Against Manipulation — concise scripts and real-life responses, available as Kindle eBook, paperback, and hardcover.
